Not so good

Well this has been a fairly miserable weekend, especially for a long weekend
One of the worst in recent memory anyway.

First stomach flu thing all week, turned out not to be flu.
No first was that moronic courier service lost the package, putting it on the wrong truck!
How hard is it to deliver something across the river in the same city?!?

Then the flu turned out not to be the flu. It was so much worse. So much more pain. So much misery. After the ambulance and 14 hours from one ER to another ER, poking, prodding testing; still cannot find a cause.
The only good thing was that by 5am drugs were given. Ah Demoral, or should I say Demon ALL. It covered the pain just enough to sleep, really sleep for a few hours. Sleeping with Demons. Not so much fun when it wore off though. And oh the fire ants!
It was very nice to have Aidan's mom be the first voice of reason and concern. Comforting, knowing someone else knew what was happening. Even though we still don't what that something is.

Then when I thought I couldn't stand the pain and loneliness for another second, he was there. My light, my comfort, holding me; making things whole again.

And now my baby. Oh my poor little one. Does he know what he has done? How my heart is breaking. For him, for his choice that cannot be undone. There is no going back, no restart. It's permanent. What hell we have entered. How is his other half? The two so inseparable, now forced apart. One foolish choice, following another. Oh how I wish it could be undone. That I could make it all go away for them. That this wasn't really happening. Just a very bad nightmare. Someone elses world. I could wake up from, walk away from or turn off. That I could hold him like I did when he was so little and make it all better.

How will it ever be better? How? It can never be ok. This isn't ok.

Reens is so alone and so sad. So freaked by all of this. I hope the baby is ok. She cannot take that on top of everything else. Oh how I wish she was here. I miss her. I need my her.

The anguish of a broken heart; shattered by someone else.
How will this ever be ok?
How will ever be a family ever again?
How?
Just please no more...