Randomness

I wanted to get some of these thoughts down from yesterday before they faded away.
Issues last night made that wee bit difficult and just getting kids all squared away to do this now.

Every moment a choice, every choice has prices and benefits.

It you're story. You made it up. And then went around collecting evidence so you could be right. So make up a new one, and get some new evidence. Get over having to be right.

My little inner Kimberly, mu new constant companion. No Seriously. I've been hearing kimberlisms all over the place today. Came out allot when addressing my kids. The focus being on having constructive open communication in the upfront in your face chaos of my Monday.

I do recognize these shifts that need to occur before I'm even pointed in the direction I want to travel. But I also see that this isn't the moment of huge change or anything. This is the moment to build the first walls on the now solid foundation.
Build up some wins for me to build next on. My focus is not on how big can I turn up in my life, but how and what can I commit to being consistant at.
Simple things. But maintaining my personal integrity and not diminishing myself in any way.
I think that's how I got lost to begin with. To many withdrawals and not enough deposits. To much casualness with myself for anything outside to be much.

How you do anything is how you do everything.
Where does that so up for up in your life.

I find it almost hard to believe this last week was even real. I have photo evidence and even that is hard to swallow. That I let it get that out of hand is totally not OK with me. Time to shift; now.

Trust stuff was really big for me. Admitting to a group of strangers my greatest secret was having always been alone in a crowded room and never belonging. Always not feeling loved of loving anyone or myself completely. That holding back at a very deep level. Yeah that wasn't very comfortable to admit. It was way harder to say i didn't love or trust myself that it was to bring up rape or M or any past stuff.

Almost as big was the abundance / scarcity exercise. Where does that show up?
Only everywhere. Always making it harder than it is. Not taking what's right in front of me. Best ones are most obvious ones.
It's to hard, i don't deserve it, never going to happen so I might as well not even try. She nailed that one so good. Sigh.

I actually told both John - only little - and Kimberly -only fastest condensed version- that dream from months ago that freaked me out so much and got all this kicked started.
I can't believe I did that. That would be admitting it actually happened.

My defining moments.

I am committed to second base, but I may also be committed to being superwoman so that I am loved.

And now...

I am a Passionate, Joyful and Responsible Woman.