Conclusions

It really wasn't all that bad of a day. I didn't have to push the five. The sun was shining. I did get some decent sleep. And yet I found myself repeatedly in a sour and fowl mood. I even left TKD right after demo tonight.
Still I was more than a little grumpy all night.

This next weeks is causing alot of turmoil, because I am letting it. I am making all of the into way bigger than it is. I want this to happen, then I have to make it happen and make it happen now.
There is nothing wrong with doing this later, but I don't want it later.
And yet I can't seem to connect to that intensity that will make it happen.
This is a spur of moment run away from home thing.
And yet I want it for me.

I've adjusted a few things so physically better. Following advice, try liver support for a bit. Keeping infa heal at high doses. And add more anti-inflammatory steps.
It did seem to help for today. I thought I could avoid pain meds tonight, but such is not the case. It is really swollen and angry inflamed red tonight. So drugs and that other stuff for a good nights sleep. I am going to have to find some time for another salt compress soon.

And yes, I know this is a physical manifestation of what my mind wants. The whole pay attention to us over here. That change is really what I am wanting and working to achieve. Pulled in two directions. Well no pulled in one direction and opposite desire to stay still.
I've been looking for that stuff so I could perhaps reconnect with why I was so inclined to choose this path a few short weeks ago. However can't seem to find it anywhere. And I still haven't called Chad. Kari and I did talk very briefly Monday. There is still so much I need to get handled and more keeps popping up every second it feels like.
That's got me feeling grouchy. I just want it to come together. Though nothing worthwhile comes easy.
Do I put it off for a month? No next month is Nationals. Two months? Christmas Camps - that I am now running on my own. Three Months? what would be the point. There will always be something in the way if I continue to let it.
There is no time like the present to make it all happen.

For goodness sake I don't even have a flight booked for next week. And still to chicken to tell them I will just not be there next week.

I am making this hard. It's not.
I mean if I can get to my retreat every year no matter what. Including new baby complications and every other objection you can name. I can do this.
I am going no matter what.

Find where is resonates and play that frequency.
It's all about the shift.

Ah nightmares, mommy duty calls.