Keep it Moving

That's what I committed to doing when I just want to run and hide.
Turn on the music and move.
My first shift.

I'm starting to feel a lot panic.
This new stuff starts tomorrow.
I am not done with yesterday, so I haven't even gotten to today, how can I deal with tomorrow?

I don't think I can do this.
I want to back out. I want to disappear.
I don't want to step up into this.
It's a big spot light on the other side.
It is going to be so hard. I have never worked that hard before, not for me.
I want it so much.
None of the results from this are even going to show for months to come.
I have to do all the prep and start the work now.

If the seminar wasn't in SanFran, I wouldn't want to be there so much.

Wasn't it just weeks ago I was saying I had to find a way to spend like a week there?
Now here it is, right in my face, what I wanted.

Do you have any idea what's it is going to take for me to get there?
I sure as hell don't.
I don't think I can do this.

I'll know it by the feeling. I got that feeling.
I know it.
I am too tired of the not.
I cannot give up. I am the diamond in the rough, unpractised at shining.

I've been given the shot at something different yes, but so, so incredible.
If I do this now, my years end will be something I can barely imagine now.
So much bigger than where I am sitting at right now.
And not just the financial rewards either.
I can see that small glimpse, not that far ahead.
And I want it with everything in me. I want to be up there in front of all those people.
I want to be having those conversations.
I want to feel what that will be like, not just what it could be like.
I don't want to wait anymore.

It would mean freedom. The kind I have been wishing and dreaming for.
I have the chance to work my dreams true.
How could I walk away from that?

A dream is a wish my heart makes,
A wish is a goal not written.
A goal is my intent, in action