Taking another step

I am such a chicken.
This being confronted is tougher than I figured. It's pretty much a constant thing.
And showing up being completely honest is not easy either.
Having to talk about what's been going on in my personal stuff tonight after being deservedly raked across the coals this morning was at the very least unpleasant.
That being vulnerable and emotional and real is very unpractised.
And once it starts.. Oh boy.
Everything is making me cry today. What the hell?

And being present in my own life is not easy.
I am not liking what I'm seeing.
Have I really been so checked out to not really see what's been going on around me?

Good Grief.
How did that happen? Everyone else could see that, yet not me.
What a price.

Well from here on I am full time turned on.
The good the bad and the ugly.
Right now it's looking pretty ugly. This isn't even the hard part yet.

When push came to shove, I couldn't even pull that all together.
I am such a chicken.
I know I've done some pretty huge things these past few days.
But there just isn't time for holding back anymore.
Or big hammers either.

Let's see what the rest of the night brings.
Last night's sleep was certainly umm... entertaining.
Keeping track of them all is too. Another thought for the other one
Wonder where tonight will take me?
I was planning on star gazing on a night like this, but it is way to cold out there
brrrrr.