Ah Sunday

I don't know what I expected from today.I should know better by now. Everytime I have expectations, they are never achieved.
Ususally overshot, or something completely different.
I think it is the Universe's way of keeping me on my toes - an "Oh really, you think so" in a cosmic sort of way.

The sun is shinning after a fantasmic summer storm.

Kind of how I feel about my insides feel.

This is who I have been so afraid of for 20 years...


WHY??

Though he still gets an ass kicking someday.



And this is what I gave up in that fear.....



and this.....


Again why???



He saw me, barely nodded, shocked and walked away.
Later he called me by name, said hello and introduced me to Tanya
Then talked about him. He sells Fords in NW Calgary.
I moved from there about the time he moved in.
Most of the time we were not in the same room even.
He looked at me, almost like he was daring me.... and I stared back until he turned away.
I used my fierce, no emotion eyes.
I also never took my staff jacket off. It was like my security blanket.

I never thought I'd be glad for that.
It was a great dinner. When you have a family who raises Red Angus, it better be.
Steaks. BBQ steaks. Sooooo goood, juicy, moist, marbled aged and seasoned perfectly.

Didn't have to stay very long. No one caused a scene. Those who couldn't get along, stayed apart. A civil dinner. Even Wendy would have been impressed (impressed to pick a fight).
ManI miss her. She made life exciting.

Left and came back here for another night.
Tomorrow return to reality.
This has been nice.
Interesting and now at the end nice.
I will be very glad to be back in my own bed again and at my own house.
Reality this week is going to be challenging.
Working all evenings and single parenting at nights. Sleeping alone.
How is this a good thing again?

Tonight I experianced something else new. Hot Tub, outside watching the sun set behind the mountains. Watching as the stars came out, twinkling on like little lights in a dark blanket.
It was amazing.
I could get used to that.
A bug candle would have made it pretty much perfect.
Quiet. Warm. Scenery was stunning.

I have really missed my camera. I can't believe it's been almost a year.
I must admit, I can take some amazing pictures.
Even I am impressed
That takes alot.

This is how I feel tonight.
Cleansed.
Powerful.
Beautiful.
Moving.



Ready to begin.