Dumping

Ok.
apparently there's some stuff there. Since I have so much time on my hands, dumping seems like a good option.
I don't get why there is so much there though. Everytime I get it all out and feel good, more shows up later.
Just how big is this onion anyway? At somepoint don't the layers run out into nothing?
Guess not, or this is one damn big onion.

So seeing Nick's profile pic was disturbing. The pics I took, I saw him for the smuck he is.
They were not scary. I stared him down with ease. But that picture is different. He's not hiding his eyes from me or looking away. That one shows confidence, power. Reminds me of him threatening to hurt me or make it easy. I remember that, and I don't like it.
I can't change it. I was making me feel fairly small and insignificant. Which is what he wanted. Not so much today. I cried that one out yesterday. But that picture really bothers me. I don't like what it brings up. How powerless he made me feel. There was nothing i could do. He knew it I knew it and he used it to his advantage. That urkes me, irrates me and bloody well pisses me off. That ASS. The more I fought back the harder it became. I'm going to have a good time, you might as well too, or we can do it the other way. Either way I get what I want , I
I didn't want him to hit me too.
That giant horses ASS. Now I have me some anger. Scared. Anger. Hurt.
This would be the process in getting to acceptance and somehow forgiveness? I can't forgive that. He doesn't get that. But at some point don't I get to be done with it?
Doesn't it finally have a ending somewhere?
How long is this going to be going on. I am not trying to stop the process, wouldn't mind speeding it up maybe. But I mean really.
I can't be responsible for this. He made that choice. He did that. He owns that. He hurt me. It was all him. There was nothing I could do.
Nothing. He took all that way from me. And left me with nothing. I was a child. He wasn't much older, but he knew better.
He took my control and my agency away.
Not me.
Not me.

Not me.