OK

Alright think maybe need to stop and have this little break down that seems to be building so can move on to the other side.

I keep thinking What the Hell am I doing? I can't be doing this (again). I can't afford this. I can't do this. What am I doing. Panic. Every time that same little voice comes back, yes you can. It's fine. Trust me. Just do it. And that Allow, just love it.

I have no money here. Debts and obligations up the whazoo. No way to get them handled, more on the way next week. I am so far behind at home, what am I thinking coming all the way down here? It's bad. And all I get is relax, trust me?
Trust me it's alright. It'll will be ok. You need to do this. You are where you are supposed to be. You need to be here. You can do this. Trust me.

Like being right on the verge of something. Right after stepping over the threshold, before you see what's in the room 'cause the light's to bright.
Right before the rose bud bursts into bloom. When you can only get a hint, a glimpse of it's true beauty and splendor.

That's what I feel like. Right on the edge of it all. I feel the excitement from the other side flowing back. It's even more scary. I know I can do that, and I'm not. And I want to run, hide or do something to get away. An itching.
I am well practiced at doing that. Working a bit, creating magnificent things and then walking way and letting them die while I fall flat on my face at the finish line.
I am so sick of doing that. I want to be done doing that. Can I be done now?
I am sooo ready for something new. I make a new choice, but I am not very practiced at it.
It's all scary.
Can I do scary and make it work?
Can I do this?
Yes you can. Yes I can.