And Another

Here we go again. End of another day. A weird day at that

first thing though, I am actually writting this ! I have my tablet back! The new LATTY is finally back, loaded and mine again
I have missed this. Actually connecting with something in physical way and getting that release out.
OK it is going to take time to teach this machine how to think like me, so try typing for now, cause I don't have the patience for teaching tonight.

I thought it would be ok here. I could get away and not have to think about anything else from home for a few days. It followed me. That on top of my lovely migrane today. My head is killing me. I am actually wearing that thing durning the day today. Nothing is working. It hasn't been this bad in ages. I know it's from being over tired/fatigued and stressed. I have none of those things, only all of them.
Anyway talking about it today didn't help. I tried to sleep it off, not really any better. No CM or CC around here, so no numbing. I just left. Being around 130 people was suddenly more than I could take. I thought I was going to lose it. I can't remember the last time I had a panic attack, but it came close. I was just overwhelmed.

I spent three hours or so by myself in the cabin. It was good. Alone is good.
I did feel better and so went back.
Still not feeling up to this people stuff.

I know it's family, but even after all this time I am still the outsider.
And I just don't have it in me to fake it right now.
My 1-5 belong here and I come for them. That's what matters.
Everything I do, I do for them. That's the real story of my life.

And then we face tomorrow.
Today my computer has been a what... comfort?
That's pretty sad. Tomorrow I won't have that
Once we hit the road, no more wireless.

The plan is to make a short appearance with other cousins, then come back here to sleep
Head out Monday early to be back for demo at 5.
Crazy.
But the view from my room is pretty damn awesome.
The view I could live with forever.
If could eliminate the drama that is my family, and support them down here I might consider it.
I can feel it. It's in my blood, my genes, my DNA, every fiber of me feels this is home.
Sad it's just not one I can live at.





On another note, I found my missing pics from last summer, all 890 of them.


My reason for doing what I do, at bottom.

I've become dependant on this over last little while. Not sure if it's good or bad.
But not giving it up anytime soon.

I don't even know if these are posting. I cannot log into actualy blog, only posting edits.
Strange, keeps saying can't find server. So I write and don't know if it's going onto oblivian or not. Maybe I do need a beta, someone to tell me one way or the other.

Ah. If I was alone without having to explain why, a cry would be good right about now.

To tomorrow
ttfn