Will it Stop

I had a three hour melt down this morning.
I'm not talking about a few random tears. I mean gut wrenching, shoulder shuddering, heart breaking sobbing tear streaming meltdown.
I didn't even know that was in there.
I mean little bit last night, but not like this.

Journey started playing and I just lost it. Once it started it just would not stop either.
This was my first real moment to myself after some trying days. And it really hit me.

I faced Nick. Looked him square in the eye a few times. I didn't look away or hide, like I think he expected me to. I did that. I had been scared, but it wasn't scary.
What a farce he is. But I did that. It was draining.
Emotional.

Then all the worry about Q. Mother's fears. Very draining to worry about a sick child.

Especaily when nothing that can be done about it. Very draining.

The final one being all the thoughts trying to pause so I could sleep last night.
And the dream as a result of that.
Being that I had what all of three hours sleep, I was starting my day out of sorts.
It just gave that breakdown more of a foothold to happen. But sobbing for three hours?
That seems a little much. It does appear to have finally run its course.

Though I don't feel done by any means. I think it was just the beginning.

But I do not know how to allow any more to happen.

It is not my strong suit, giving up control.
But now it is time to sleep. Figured if I waited long enough I would be way to tired to dream.
And right now I don't know how to deal with dream land. It is just to bizarre.

From my window this weekend. Yes those would be Rockies in that sunset.