Strange

Having a Bob Marley day we decided. You know relaxin' chillin', just taken it easy man. That's what the girls called it. Kinda ironic that i have kids who like Marley.
It was an odd night. It's been a marvelously odd week truth be told.

I spent the whole night going through trying to find every person who he ever knew. That's alot of people and alot of minds and alot of moving around-travelling. Just to tell them he was gone and services were on Tuesday. What the hell? Only to have him constantly interrupting with "Rumours of my demise have been greatly exaggerated". And to top it all off, nearly every guy I ever casually dated kept showing up at the door trying to propose "oh, can I be next?" I barely know you, No. Who needs that? Who does that? Needless to say it was a very long night. One that couldn't end fast enough and from which I got very little rest. Of course he thought it was hilarious. My life is but to amuse apparently.
Just odd, my mind is. Taking my anxieties and making them into some kind of game.
I've been in a very strange place all day because of it.
I did come to one realization though. The first time I chose for me, well because of them, but still for me. IF, and I mean IF anything ever happened - heaven forbid- and I had to make that choice again. I wouldn't choose for me again. First off, it would take an awful bloody lot to convince me I needed anything else if the love of my heart was gone. I'm good with that.
But second, it wouldn't be about me anymore. The first time was for me. I would never again choose for me. That silly list would be irrelevent. I would only choose someone for them. They would need someone. I would choose for them. What was not only best for them, but who would support them in being who they choose to become. Emotionally, physically, mentally even spiritually. Support school choice, which is way ou there for most. Martial arts choices. Encouraging the openness we've taught them to have. The whole seeing music, hearing rainbows, feeling colour things. And get the whole need my people stuff. Those big things to them. The Universal web and blue line and any other theories they want to talk about. They need that connection and openness to continue. Not a replacement, an additional partnership.
Funny thing all those buffoons in the dream missed. Not me had to win over, it's them. I have no worries. They are some pretty tough nuts I got. They are fiercely protective.
I am sooo glad and grateful that this is not something I have to even worry about any time soon.
I cannot imagine having to be single again. Oh no.
Like I said, really weird head space place all day. I can't believe he thought this was funny. I certainly was not amused.

Other than that, feeling gooood.
I feel like I'm back into normal space, I like it

Nice to have a chillin' Saturday.
The next ones are so jammed packed, this is good.