Busy

Again, four hours of sleep. What is up with that?
I was awake until 3 am. WIDE awake. Like it was the middle of the day, not the middle of the night. Happy, alert and wide awake. I couldn't calm down, couldn't sit still. Wired and awake. I didn't have chocolate or sugar either. It wasn't that kind of wired. My mind was just busy.
You'd think after playing with so many kids all day one would be tired. I am always wiped after swimming anyway. But no such luck. The afternoon was even relaxing. And I was tired, just not sleeping.
I'm plugged in, connected. Wired. I'm really not used to this. And not sure what to do about it either. Two nights back to back with just few hours of sleep. Physically I'm drained. Mentally I am alert and ready to go. I can't wait to get going apparently. How am I going to make it through the whole day today? Summer camp kids, training, setup, shopping, BBQ, the party. I have to be in top performance all night for parents, how it that going to work?
The energy inside can't wait to get out and create something today. I can feel it. Like an electrical current. Buzzing, sizzling even. Kenetic energy in truest form.
As though the entire Universe was holding its breath until I woke up. So I wake up early.
It's almost funny. Ironic.
All those times I was keeping myself awake to avoid what was inside, and now that it's out, it's keeping me awake.
Though admittedly not with the same unstable consequences. I don't see a break-down anywhere. Wouldn't Denise and Heidi be proud. Not that they weren't before. They always saw, esp when I didn't. I get the feeling I've been blind to what's been right in front of me for quite awhile. Hiding in plain sight. To busy being busy to do any different.

I was very surreal watching things click into place yesterday. I could hardly wait for repeat today. Apparently, cause sleep became secondary all of a sudden. So much time not sleeping, after doing nothing but sleep for months. Now to have created a balance within and sleep is secondary, but not in a negative way. Just so much, perhaps too much, to do. So many things to get handled, gotta get on it now.

The music, the pictures, the dance. All going on all at once. I thought I would burst without those careful fences. Overflow and be undone. I didn't overflow. My capacity increased and expanded.
I was so wrapped up in protecting my creativity, it wasn't very creative. I only let it out on a leash, a short one at that. What was I thinking?
What was I so afraid of before? How could I have been that frightened? Why? There is nothing to fear here.
This is really incredible busy. A true joy.
It's exciting. Flying.
Free.