This was looking like a fabulous day, even for a monday. The sun is out, it's a killer warm day. 1-5 are all taken care of. Getting caught up on all sorts of things. All in all a really good day.
I had work with me, and some reading, thought I'd just go to that spot at the top of the hill and enjoy my day. A great plan. I found a place to park, got my OJ and my special brand CM, headed to my bench. For some odd reason I could have sworn someone I knew was watching me; strange.
It was all going really well. I even gave my partner a call - for the first time in weeks.
Then the shift. It wasn't even a gradual thing. Just an all of a sudden change.
I couldn't sit there anymore. All of a sudden I was sad. Just really really sad. Tears started and everything; right on the street. I got up and started walking.
So I guess this is the next stage of this grieving process. I thought I was all good. I still am, but I am sad. A heart-breaking, gut wrenching sad. I found I was hugging myself, while walking trying to hold it all together.
It was not what I was expecting.
Maybe talking to dad made it all more real. It will be a bit of a process for me to see him, that made it sink in a bit. This is actually happening. It didn't go away just cause I was feeling pretty good again. This is going to take time. Which is good, time is something I have.
I was really planning on just enjoying the sunshine today. Heaven only knows how little time I'm going to have for that pretty soon. I will admit having all this time to myself has been very nice. I'm glad I like me, cause sure alone alot. It's been good though.
It's all a part of the process.
I think I need a hug. Wonder who's around to bug?
On the other hand sometimes it not as nice to be alone.
Crying alone is not fun.
Up down, down Up
here we go again.
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