Myst

So what do I end up listening to today? Rascal Flats. What's up with that? Like a need any reminders of any stupid broken roads, or anything else. That and Jessica's Theme. The words are there, I can hear them more clearly now. I can almost make some of the sentences out too. It's haunting. And my world is already so haunted. Why is music coming now?

I haven't heard Muse over a week now. The pain is to big. If I could just get it out. Just find a way to .... to cry? I can't even figure out if that's what I'm susposed to do. I keep hearing Razor, everywhere I go. And when it's quiet all I hear are the first 30 seconds before the words start, playing over and over in my head. It gets to my heart, but I don't know what to do next.
I feel the swelling, and then... The nothing swallows me again.
Why can't I feel anything? Other than anger. Why is everything so numb?
I want to be swallowed whole and alive, curl up and be hidden. Lost to everything and everyone.
Crawl into a hole and disappear. Would that really be so bad? How much more can one soul take? How much more do I have take to endure. When is it enough. I cannot hold a pain this big, and I can't figure out how to get it out. It is so much more than I can bear. So much more than anyone should ever have to.

Why? I don't understand. Can't you hear, feel the anguish of my heart? Make it stop.
Hide me away. I cannot wake to another day, not any more of this. No more struggled moments strung together to make a single day. The pain it is to much. Can I sleep? Forever? Sleep would be a relief. A blessing if not for the nightmares. The faces. The memory. The pain. Ahhh!
No I am awake. Again. Still.

Where can I find peace? There is no end to this, it will never be ok. The truth makes the pain so much more real. Fresh again.
Pain I feel pain. Numb, but for the pain.
I am so tired. To tired even for the anger.
Too much. It is all to much.
Please. Anyone.
Why?