Dawn

I think I am figuring this out. I woke up at 3 am again. Today I was not get up at 3am. It's now after 7. I figure if I give this all a voice, then I can go back to bed and sleep until I am done. There is no way I am starting my weekend at this hour. It is sleeping time.

I have all sorts of stuff going on in my head, all at once, and I like it. The pictures, the stories, the dance, the music, the words, the faces, all of it. It amazes how much I willing forgot and how much more I forced myself to lock away.

Why?

There is nothing from my past that can hurt me, or ever could. It is just that; the past.

Why be afraid of it? It made me who I am in this moment. AND who I am right now rocks.

I am perfect in who I am in this pinprick in the fabric of time. I am who I am because I responded to life exactly as I wanted to, as I chose to.

It could not possible be any better.

Though when you throw "greater than my expectations" out there, that is what comes back. And boy has it ever!

I ran yesterday. I mean really ran. Well it's not like I'm going to win any races or anything. Mind you I did do that too, but just a small one. These last two weeks of morning walks by myself have another benefit apparently. I can feel my strength returning. Bit by tiny bit I can feel the physical power.

Just for a few seconds I felt that free feeling; touched that liberating moment where you catch the wind. I love that. And then I remembered, from so long ago.

I am free.

I race with the North Wind

I sleep with the South

I am free.

No one can catch me.

No calm before the storm, no sense of urgency. Just calm and peace and joy.

Flowing. Allowing. Being.

Now I am going back to my dream land.