End of another Day.

Well today was interesting. I did not have a caffine hangover, like I thought I would. Atleast knowing the science of something was helpful. VERY hot shower, handful of vits, and high protien high glycemic shake later and good to go.
Things have been doing alright. I figured was time to start picking up pieces of my life I dropped three weeks ago. R and I met to discuss the house. I needed to make sure he didn't have the wrong story still. He knew it all. When she offered to talk, cause she knew. He wanted to make sure I knew that. And see if I just want to be bought out. I started slipping.
I don't have the same life I had a month ago. I was getting all choked up and had to go.

I was crying again in the van.
What's with the sad? And all of a sudden. No warning. I can't just fall apart. This isn't going to work very well.
I grabbed some reading and went to that spot. Good thing I can park at Mayflower.
I just stood in the sun, watching the valley. I read. I cried. I was pretty sure feeling better.
Sad keeps following me. And I'm alone for next few days. Not what I wanted.
I left with enough time to get to first noon training session.

HOLY COW!
I hurt all over. I will need a magic bath today for certain.
I am training with the Black Belts. I am most certainly NOT a black belt. But if I want to graduate in 5 weeks I need to do BIG things.
There is no way I can test with where I am at now.

I just feel drained.
I know the moving is good, in my head anyway.
Just not helping my heart right now.

I'm raining on the inside, and no one knows.