Winding Down

So, I'm good; happy. I've been that way for days. Even with it all, I love my life.

This has been quite the week. Up and down then down and up again.
From the running, hiding, searching (in vain really) the freak out(s), the memories I thought would consume me completely on Monday (and Wed). I knew I had to allow that process. I didn't want to do it, alone, but I knew it served a purpose. It would be better. I never had to tools before to get to this part. I have a new favorite place; right there at the top of the hill. Perfect to sit and allow. Right in the middle of people, all by myself. I found my quiet. To far to get to everyday, but once in awhile. I could feel pain and comfort at the same time.

Under all that pain from the event were other memories, and closure - comfort. Little spring cleaning. The loathing was normal, and now that I know that part, it's done.
For the first time in 20 years I said the name of my attacker. It is no longer my dirty little secret. Nicky did that to me. Now it's out. There is so much comfort, peace from not holding that in anymore. I have no secrets left. None. It is a relief. Cleansing. Better. Comfort. It feels amazing. Joyful.

And I remembered how the second assult failed. Ever detail I could not before.
No One ever hurt me like that again.
Safe. Comfort. Warmth. Love.

Tonight I feel complete again.
I am whole.

What a week.