FAST

I want to get in a car and go. I want to get on an open road and drive. Drive as far as I can as fast as I can.
I want to feel that speed. That absolute freedom of getting free. Away from everything. I want to go faster than the pain. Faster than everything, the loss the pain; all of it
I want to feel that speed from expand from inside,upwards, outwards. The rush that nothing can touch. Nothing comes close to.
Pushing faster. FASTER.
I want to push it to the limit. And beyond

And then I want to stop.
Run smack into a solid wall at full speed.
Slam on the breaks, and come screaching to an abrupt and absolute standstill.
Suddenly. Immediately. Violently. Crash. Stop. END.

I want to get up walk away and to do it again.
AND AGAIN.
Racing as fast as I can away and then deliberatley make it stop.
Let the momentum take it all away and leave me here.
Whole.

It will never be that way again.
I would even settle for Ok.
Just for a moment. Just one little moment.
A second
Can I have it back?

Speed. Racing. Faster. Faster. FASTER.
STOP.
GONE.

gone